Nonviolent Communication and Conflict Management

Poor communication often leads to conflict, which, unresolved can engender various problems. Within the workplace, it is important to keep communication channels open with other individuals, as failing to communicate effectively creates an uncertain climate, in which communicators become reluctant to make attempts to resolve an issue, which causes it to augment (O’Hair & Wienmann, 2009).



When I started work years ago, I have experienced a communication conflict with the depot keeper, whom I needed to visit frequently to get material for my class. Although she did not use insulting language or inappropriate words, she was too aggressive for my ways. For example, instead of telling me that my request for a particular material was not justified, as it was too expensive to use in the manner I intended to, she intensely reacted by yelling that I was out of my sense to use it for such a silly artwork…I do not use offensive words in my dialogue and I try my best to be respectful to everyone, so when someone treats me in such a manner, I completely shut down.  My first few encounters with her resulted in resenting her and making ultimate efforts to avoid her altogether. I started asking my colleagues to retrieve material I needed instead of going myself. The reason for these precautions was the way she raised her voice and constantly objected to my requests. It is important to note that I was not the only one whom she treated this way; she held this comportment toward almost everyone else. One day, when I was asking my coordinator to place an order for me, she advised me to face the issue that was troubling me rather than evading it in this way. Eventually, she refused getting my things for me, which dictated that I had to resolve this issue myself.

Reflecting now on the steps I needed to make back then, made me realize that they were nonviolent strategies that I read about this week (CNVC, n.d.). The first thing that I did was writing a list before going to the depot and calling her to see if it was a right time to give her my supply list. I would try to go in the early morning hours, before I went to class, as it was the only time when the depot was not crowded. I realized that she was overloaded with work, and while I only had my needs to meet, she had to accommodate many other teachers and administrators. She had to follow up their request lists and give them their supplies, under enormous pressure that she had to give in to frequent outbursts. Once I understood her position, I started empathizing with her and genuinely making an effort to understand her needs (CRN, n.d.). In other words, I went out of my way not to listen to offensive language that might come out of her words, and focus on making it as easy as I could for her to serve me. I made considerable effort to choose the manner in which I delivered my messages to her. Eventually, it turned out that she was a kind-hearted and a lovable person, whom I would never have gotton to know if I had kept my windows shut. More importantly, I was able to communicate my needs and manage the conflict which enabled me to maintian a healthy work environment. The ironic thing is now, new employees resort to me as a mediator between  her, and them, because in their words, “she never turns you down” (Personal communication, 2013).

References

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication CNVC. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from www.cnvc.org

Conflict Resolution Network CRN. (n.d.). CR kit. Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3

 

Who am I as a Communicator?

For our assignment this week, we were asked to take three assessment tests on different areas of communication. The measures of evaluation were Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and the Listening Styles Profile (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009).

In addition to my own self-assessment, I needed to choose two other people, preferably from different areas of my life, to evaluate me using the same measures. I have invited the preschool coordinator, and my daughter to participate.

I did not know what to anticipate, and when the results turned out to be quite similar, I was intrigued by how accurate I was in my self-assessment, especially that my results were incredibly close to my supervisor’s.

The one thing I found most surprising was that my daughter has been able to detect higher levels of anxiety in my communication than I did- something that neither my supervisor nor I have perceived. Although I am not able to determine the exact reason for this discord, I reason that what prompted her to sense this unease were her own personal schemas. The fact that she is very close to me might have compelled her to make a connection between her own anxieties and my own.

The two insights that I would like to share with you this week are:

1- The roles of the communicators make a significant difference in the way they perceive others and the way they are perceived (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009). As a mother, I was perceived differently than I was as a colleague.

2- The context in which social interactions take place may influence the effectiveness of the overall communication process (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009). My communication behavior in the workplace may be interpreted differently than those I display at home.

References

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

O' Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Communiaction and Culture

Effective intercultural communication is vitally important within any setting that involves diverse individuals, especially within the early childhood field. In considering all the aspects that make up culture and reflecting upon my own communication style, I find myself interacting differently with people from different backgrounds. The ways in which I communicate differently entails my body language and facial expressions; particularly while communicating with children in my class, as well as my verbal messages. I have also noted that a considerable difference occurs between the way I interact with my compatriots and nationals where I work. The mere reason for this variation is my keenness to be accessible and not be misunderstood. The difference lies mainly in my language dialect and choice of words.

Learning about the components of positive intercultural communication this week has prompted me to adapt three strategies that will enhance my communication while interacting with people from a different culture:

1- Becoming other-oriented and following Milton Bennett’s Platinum Rule, "Do to others as they themselves would like to be treated". What is appropriate and norm in one culture may be not be acceptable in another. Therefore, I need to be mindful of my comportment and the words I choose to share.

2- Expanding my cultural horizon and broadening my world view (Gonzales-Mena, 2010). I accomplish that by seeking information from those who come from different environments, and by developing my knowledge of their values, beliefs, and customs. This will enable me to understand what is important to them and avoid miscommunication that results from overlooking cultural expectations (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmind, 2011).

3- Perceiving the behavior of other people from their point of view rather than from my own and withholding judgments that distort my perceptions, particularly when I interact with others whose culture vastly differs from mine (Gonzales-Mena, 2010). Unless I interpret their behavior and words according to their own communication style and cultural codes, I cannot possibly understand their intended messages.

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010a). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Nonverbal Communication in Practice

NLP-Neuro lingvistisk  

Our assignment this week was divided into two parts. First we were asked to watch a show we have not previously seen with the sound turned down. The next part of the assignment was watching the same scenes with the sound turned on. I have chosen to examine a show that my daughter regularly watches: Rizzoli and Isles.

First, I will share my primary analysis of nonverbal behavior I observed with the sound turned off. I will try to figure out the plot and conceive the nature of relationships between characters. Afterwards I will examine how correct or inaccurate my interpretations really were.

Nonverbal interactions; muted:

The scene begins with a girl doing some kind of exercises, maybe stretching or some kind of stress relief meditation, she seems quite distressed...she gets killed by an anonymous.

The second scene involves a woman frying burgers and accidentally drops them on the floor. Two men Re on the sofa watching what seems to be a very exciting show; perhaps a football game? The woman seem to be upset with the men. They are either roommates or brothers. I am guessing brothers, since they are not making any attempts to help her. The woman opens the door and an older man shows up. Probably a relative? She looks very surprised and a little upset. From the hurt look in her eyes, I am thinking maybe it's her father, whom she hasn't seen for a long time.

In another scene, a female police detective is examining the body. Another male detective is standing with an older detective. I thought probably he is a higher rank as when the younger man seems to be making a joke, the older man gives him a mean look, and the man instantly stops laughing.

The next scene takes us back to the apartment, in which the woman is watching with irritation the older visitor playing video games with the young men. She suddenly snaps the remote control and turns off the TV. There is something bothering her. Maybe the fact that they are all enjoying their time, with no regard to her feelings? The old man gets up and hands each of them a card. She gets furious again. Maybe her father is inviting her to his wedding? They start arguing. One of the men stands close to the old man. The old man pats him on the shoulders. The other siblings are furious at him. The old man argues and the woman argues back, she then shakes her head off, as if she has done this before, and that there will be no chance of him listening to her.

In the next scene, the same woman suits up. She seems to be a detective, too. She meets the young detective from the first scene. He seems to be briefing her of the case. She then meets the female detective. They seem to be mad at each other, as if they were friends and had a big fight. Everyone around them seems to be aware of their conflict. They are watching the woman’s reactions carefully. The detectives go to question a young woman, maybe a witness; she does not seem to be related to the victim. She does not show any sign of sorrow or loss. In another room, they are sitting with an old couple. The woman is crying terribly, and the man is in shock. I am guessing they are the victim’s parents. The father is more composed than the mother. He is speaking, but avoiding eye contact with the detectives. He seems ashamed, or maybe feeling guilty for something.

In the next scene, the old man, the detective’s dad, is arguing with a woman. The woman is very mad. She throws a paper he just gave her back at him.  I can’t figure out what he is asking her to do. He looks at her with a sheepish look on his face. As if he feels sorry for her. I think he has feelings for her. She bursts out of the room, as his daughter looks so disappointed in him. She says something to him as she leaves, too.

Interpretation verification after listening to the dialogue:

What I was right about:

þ  The victim was indeed upset. She was murmuring self-assuring words. She was breathing and doing yoga exercises

þ  The woman in the kitchen was mumbling that she was not getting any help

þ  The young men were her brothers

þ  The old visitor was indeed her father, who disappeared for a year and suddenly reappeared

þ  She was angry at her father

þ  The card he gave her was indeed his wedding invitation

þ  The brother who stood by his side was in better terms with his father than the others and he has met his father’s fiancée many times

þ  The detective was briefing her of the details of the case

þ  The victim’s father was feeling guilty because he told his daughter that he was leaving her mother. She got upset, and whenever she got upset, she went into the basement or any dark place to be alone. He feels it’s his fault that she went into that dark tunnel to meditate.

What I was mistaken about:

ý  The young detective did not make the joke on his boss, someone else in the room did. He was just    laughing when his superior got offended and turned it on him. That is why he stopped laughing.

ý  The young woman was not a witness; she was the victim’s roommate.

ý  The female in the third scene was not a detective, she was a doctor, but she used to be good friends with the female detective before the latter shot her criminal father.

I can say that this exercise has brought to my attention the power of nonverbal communication. It was very surprising to me how I could fathom the type of relationships the characters had, through their gestures alone. I think being mindful of the nonverbal interactions that occur in front of us daily is a significant skill to have as an educator. I can think of numerous instances in which this skill can help me interpret interactions that occur between the children in class every day.